breaking news

Five Brexit Bright Spots

Feeling sad about Brexit? Here’s the good news: 

1) Once Scotland becomes independent, one quarter of our flag will be anachronistic, and we can finally change the stupid thing.

Aus flag no scotland

Or we could change it to match this aesthetically pleasing ‘Northern Ireland and England without St Andrew’s cross’ combo. Just when you thought the flag couldn’t get any worse.

2) Australia could now attempt to seize the UK’s permanent slot on Eurovision, seeing as we have proved our insecure, ‘ironic’ Europhilia to be stronger than theirs.

Australia eurovision

New plan: tow Australia over to replace England. So close to Berlin and so far from Nauru!

3) EU environmental regulations protected the green dales and flowery meadows so beloved by the little englanders – hope you all enjoy your poisoned woodlands and contaminated ponds! You lose… as do we all.

countryside

The English countryside that enraptured Alexander Pope and Thomas Hardy

4) I get to validate my prejudices against my bigoted elderly relatives from Stoke-on-Trent. Hmmm, the empty satisfaction of low expectations confirmed… combined with the fear of being called out for blaming the working class.

english retirees

Say goodbye to those Mediterranean holidays Auntie Beatrice (working class my ass)

5) We will have the bitter voyeuristic pleasure of watching a herd of imperial nostalgists destroy the last vestiges of that same empire.

Brexit_celebrations

Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of people

 

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