breaking news

Twiggy Palmcock to Run for Marginal Seat of Greenway

Renegade Mining CEO Announces Candidacy for the Western Sydney Seat of Greenway, Accuses Palmer United Party Opponent of ‘Witchcraft’.
Glocal Pundit Intern Kitty St John reports

Vote 1 Twiggy Palmcock

Insurgent Campaign: A Flyer Announcing Twiggy Palmcock’s Candidacy

Exiled mining magnate Twiggy Palmcock made a spectacular return to Australia today, announcing his candidacy for the marginal seat of Greenway as a representative of the Independent Palmer United Separatist Party. Mr Palmcock, who had previously sought asylum in Sri Lanka to escape alleged persecution from the Rudd government, was in a bullish mood upon his arrival at Sydney Airport. Brushing off the sex charges laid against him by former Mining Minister Martin Ferguson, Mr Palmcock declared that he would be launching an ‘insurgent’ campaign against the Palmer United Party candidate for Greenway, Jodie Wootton.

Ms Wootton had earlier defeated Mr Palmcock in an internal preselection battle, prompting Mr Palmcock’s faction to split from the Palmer United Party. Despite his close personal relationship with fellow magnate Clive Palmer, Mr Palmcock has now founded the Independent Palmer United Separatist Party to support his rebel campaign. He has also accused Ms Wootton of witchcraft, and attributed her preselection victory to her circle of fellow occultists within the Palmer United Party.

PUP Palmer

Internal Struggle: Clive Palmer with loyalist Palmer United Party Candidates

‘I love Clive to bits, but sadly, he has fallen under this woman’s spell,’ Mr Palmcock said, his voice straining with emotion, ‘I’m just saying, on the imperial [sic] evidence available, it would appear that she dabbles in witchcraft. I mean, she runs a “Virtual Bookkeeping Company”. You join the dots.’

In a campaign visit to Blacktown Shopping Centre, Mr Palmcock announced an ‘Eight Point Plan’ for Greenway.

‘The Liberal candidate Jaymes Diaz only has a six point plan to stop the boats, and can only remember one at a time. I’ve got an eight point plan to stop lots of things,’ Mr Palmcock explained to a multicultural audience of shoppers.

‘I want more than just real solutions, I want final solutions for Australia’

‘I want more than just real solutions, I want final solutions for Australia,’ Mr Palmcock continued.

‘Point one: More borders for a better Greenway. I’m not going to let Jaymes Diaz’s Green Army invade Greenway, that’s just not the Greenway way. Two: refugees down the mines. Three: end suppositories for clean energy. Four: gas for Greenway. Five: ease the cost of the pain of living. Six: no more cafes for greenway. Seven: we need to ditch the witch, and I’m not talking about Julia Gillard, who’s already been ditched, but my opponent Jodie Wootton, who actually is a practicing witch’

Palmer Party Greenway Candidate

‘Practicing Witch’: Mr Palmcock’s opponent Jodie Wootton, who he has accused of witchcraft
Mr Palmcock declined to elaborate on the final of his eight points. The major parties are yet to respond to Mr Palmcock’s announcement, but his candidacy is certain to raise the tempo of campaigning in this crucial electorate.

9 thoughts on “Twiggy Palmcock to Run for Marginal Seat of Greenway

    • Look I don’t have any problem with witches in their natural habitat, such as Nimbin or the Dandenong ranges, but there is no place for witches in Greenway

  1. Great points Twiggy but ‘The life of Clive’ article, p24, The Inquirer (The Weekend Australian, 17-18 Aug) has let the cat out of the bag. The so called spat and breakaway is just a sham. You are in fact a stooge in Greenway for Palmer interests. The uncanny likeness between the ‘Palmer as teenager’ photograph and your own GlocalPundit image above suggests you two may even be related! For those who missed the article, its a must read. Time to come clean, Twiggy Palmer, old cock!

    • Mate I don’t know whether you’re being paid off by the Chinese sponsored Murdoch conspiracy theorists or what but this witch hunt has got to stop, we’ve got real witches to hunt, like my opponent Jodie Wootton

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