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Mining Helps Babies

Glocalpundit maintains a strict standard of editorial balance. Wihin these pages we include a broad church of thinkers, from Paleo-conservatives to Anarcho-Turnbullists. In the interest of balance, we share with you here some words of wisdom from our sponsor, CEO of Excretum mining Twiggy Palmcock
The basis of all science is septical thinking, which is why I’m a Climate septic. My septic thinktank, the ‘Institute of Sheeple Awakening’ (ISA), has definitively proven that the heat mongering warmist propaganda is wrong on numerous fronts. As my ISA pear reviewed colleagues have demonstrated, it’s not global warming that we should be worried about, it’s glocal worming- the glocalised occurence of excessive worm populations. Which is yet another reason for mining in Australia- mining removes the soil which harbours the wormvaders, so everyone’s a winner, except the worms of course. As a point of ideological principle, I will henceforth not use the term ‘warming’, as it has been proven categorically false.
But we’re not all about hard science. We also have a series of touching personal stories, like the heart worming story of my adopted son, Derek. Derek has experienced the full benefits of a coalistic approach to health and wellbeing. Derek was born earlier this year, the child of two of my employees at Excretum mining. Derek was born at the premature maternity ward section of my brown coal mine in the Victorian central highlands. The benefits of coal dust for the prenatal child have been irreparably proven by Derek’s health, which is impeccable,  besides a touch of Dutch adermia (Orange skinlessness) and Yamorphia (Yam like physical qualities)

Mr Palmcock educates Derek in the ways of mining

Despite these minor setbacks, Derek has proven himself an able worker from an early age, a quality made all the more impressive by the fact that his infirmities require him to be contained in a specially designed liquid vat at all times. Perhaps if more Australian workers were like Derek, I wouldn’t have to be bringing in industrious little Chinamen to do their jobs. As it is, I just have to do what’s best for the economy, but Derek points a way forward for the other toddlers of our beautiful fossil future.

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